My life has changed so much so quickly that 2017 feels like it has 243 months and the beginning of March now feels half a lifetime away. March has been a huge step forwards as far as my mental health is concerned. Getting a new diagnosis and different treatment made me come back to myself. I have been able to focus, to get stuff done, to face tasks without feeling completely overwhelmed by them. I am getting better at identifying what I can ask from myself on certain days and not feel constantly disappointed if I don’t meet my own expectations. I have become better at putting myself first and getting out of damaging situations. I had some challenging but very revelatory therapy sessions that are really helping me to recentre. I really couldn’t have made so much progress without my therapist and without a bunch of really great friends who totally get me. Thanks, guys.
Getting out of my comfort zone
Last month I made a conscious effort to get out of my comfort zone, to hang out with people I don’t know that well, to find time to spend with new people that I find really interesting or that I don’t see very often, to connect more with people I care about and to do stuff that I love but had stopped doing. I’m not gonna lie, this has been exhausting at times, and I’ve needed quite a lot of down time after it, but it’s really been worth it. I feel incredibly stimulated and inspired by everybody I’ve spent time with this month, and it feels great.
One of the changes that have taken place this month is that I’ve started reading in a slightly less obsessive way, taking the time to actually enjoy books rather than just mindlessly going through them in an attempt to make my brain shut up. I don’t want my brain to shut up because it’s not full of depressing thoughts all the time.
I’m slowly working my way through The Second Sex and shaking my head at all the situations that still ring true nearly seventy years after its publication, I read a collection of short stories by Joyce Carol Oates that made me believe maybe I’m starting to become a short story kind of person. I devoured and loved Rosemary’s Baby, and I read a bunch of stuff about teenage films. Yes, you read right, I am reading PhD-related material again after about a year. I’m back.
Having flowers at home never fails to brighten up my mood even on the darkest days, so I made sure I had flowers around at all times. It’s such an easy way to make myself happy.
Making my apartment feel more like home
I had some old maps framed, got a new lamp and finally got the amazing nautical wall that I had been dreaming of. My apartment is still a work in progress, but I absolutely love the way it’s coming together and I just love spending time here.
We all know that something is very, very wrong with me if I suddenly stop listening to music. Last month I even went to two shows. I know, shocking. I felt goosebumps while listening to the Descendents on my way to work because it reminded me of the amazing time we had in Slovenia last year. I rediscovered songs that I had forgotten about and I got terribly obsessed with the latest album by The Julie Ruin.
This is what I’ve been listening to:
- The Julie Ruin – Hit Reset
- The Smiths – s/t
- PUP – The Dream is Over
- Terrible Feelings – Impending Doom
- Teenage Cool Kids – Queer Salutations
- That new Slowdive single
- Anchorless, both the Propagandhi and the Weakerthans version